Tumbleweed and Dirt
Digging Deeper with Allison LaMarr…
Can I tell you again how much I appreciate you? Knowing that you are coming to dig deeper with me each week energizes me beyond words, and I’m so grateful to know that we are all committed to rise above mediocrity in order to live a life we truly love. Today I’d like to talk about the difference in men and women, and how those differences will affect everything we do, even down to our pursuit of excellence in our quest for that life we love. Yes, we all know that men and women are different, but I think it’s easy to overlook just how different we are. Check out just a few of our common differences, according to relationship expert Dr. Gary Smalley.
Men tend to:
- Deteriorate physically about 10% every 10 years after age 40
- Have about 40% of their body weight in muscle
- Favor the left side of the brain where language and logic operate
- Be more conquer-oriented and very competitive
- Be lateral in their thinking, which means they tend to favor one side of their brain at a time
- Be more interested in facts and information and less aware of relational needs
Women, on the other hand, tend to:
- Deteriorate physically about 2% every 10 years
- Have about 20% of their body weight in muscle
- Be more sensitive to sight and sound
- Be relationship oriented
- Be bilateral in thinking, which means they access both sides of the brain simultaneously
- Favor the right side of the brain, where feelings, nurturing, and the relationship part of life operate
We literally do everything differently. I recently heard about a study discussing the difference between our brains. Apparently, a hormone washes baby boys’ brains in vitro, and this “chemical brain bath” is what causes them to use only one side of their brain at a time (usually the left). This is why men are more apt to focus on one thing at a time, and are better at compartmentalizing than women. This is also why women are generally better multi-taskers and can seem to think about a hundred different things at once. So, if you’ve ever heard me say that men are a simple creature, I don’t mean it insultingly whatsoever. In fact, I mean quite the opposite – I say it out of jealousy. By simple, I don’t mean “unintelligent”; I mean “not complex.” Us women are a complex beast, and if we could only learn not to over-complicate everything, our lives would be much less stressful. If we’re not aware of this phenomenon, our lives can become men vs. women (husbands vs. wives). But that shouldn’t be the case, and this one little insight can be a big relationship saver.
Let me share a personal example of how this scientific differentiation can play out in a normal everyday setting. Girls, tell me if you can relate to this? (Guys, don’t worry…I have James’ permission to share this story.) I’ll often look over at my husband and catch him in a seemingly blank stare. I can’t even begin to count the times I’ve stopped to ask him, “Hey! What are you thinking about over there?” because from my vantage point, there seems to be absolutely nothing going on in his head. Of course that isn’t the case, but we laugh about it, because I’ve jokingly told him on numerous occasions that if we could make a movie of his brain when I catch him in that gaze, it would look like a ghost town from the old west with tumbleweed blowing by. So, we have this running joke that if I ever catch him in that blank stare, I’ll just walk by and make a whirling sound, like dust blowing by, and he’ll snap out of his trance, look over at me, and say “Tumbleweed.” Again, men tend to focus more on one topic at a time, and frequently when I ask him what he’s thinking about, I’ll get a one-word answer in response. Some of his answers have included words like “Football. Movies. Pizza. Money. Maps. Clocks.”
Just to give you one specific example, several years ago we were driving down the road, and I looked over to see him in another one of those thousand-yard stares. This time, when I asked him what he was thinking about, he gave me a one-word answer that left me speechless, and totally embodies the difference between how men and women process information. His answer? “Dirt.” Dirt??? Really? Dirt is what you’re thinking about? How could you possibly put that much focused thought into dirt? But here’s the deal. We were preparing to build some flowerbeds around our house, and we were actually in his truck on the way to check out some home and garden supplies, so thinking about “dirt” was his way of processing our upcoming project. So, strangely enough, I had been thinking about the same thing, just not in so many words. Or, perhaps I should in say more words. Because my train of thought literally was an entire train, and it went something like this: “Ok, Flowerbeds. Gosh, I wonder how much dirt we’ll need. And how many flowers? What about bushes? Guess we’ll need some tools as well…like shovels, rakes, and gloves. We’ll definitely need to consult a garden expert to make sure we’re doing this right…maybe we should have done some more online research first. Hmmm…I wonder how much all of it will cost…and how long will it take us to finish this little project. We’ll probably need to order a pizza later…and we’re gonna need some sunscreen, too…this is gonna be so much fun…I bet we’ll have the best looking flower beds on the whole street!” So, you see, with my entire over-crowded thought train and his word “dirt”, we were actually thinking about the same thing – just as women vs. men.
We really do approach everything differently. We process life differently, so we must understand that we will pursue excellence differently, even when working as a team. Whether it’s tumbleweed and dirt, or an entire train of connected thoughts, we’re still headed in the same direction and working for the same end goal. But if we’re not aware of this critical difference, we can end up at each other’s throats, attacking one another instead of working together. Women can get frustrated and impatient with our men for what looks to us like slow-thinking nothingness. And women, who seem to never stop talking and never sit down, can fluster men. From their vantage point, we can look like the Tasmanian devil, just whirling around from place to place, busy being busy. So, gals, let’s give our guys a break and understand that they’re not necessarily doing or thinking “less” than we are, just differently. And guys, give your girl a hug…with all of that stuff crowding our minds all the time, we could use a big hug just to help us relax!
Click here to subscribe to Digging Deeper
Stay in touch with Allison!
Visit us on the web at www.allisonlamarronline.com
You may copy this article if full credit and an active link is given to http://www.allisonlamarronline.com
